Payoffs of Violence

There are payoffs to violence, otherwise nobody would use it. However, the payoffs are few and short-term, and they only hurt others – including family members and other loved ones. Here are some payoffs:

• Feel a brief rush or high
• Get what you want this time (you ‘win’)
• Temporary release of tension – venting of anger
• Avoid conflicts, for the moment
• “Proves” who is boss
• People may hesitate to question you in the future
• Lets people know you’re angry

Costs of Violence

The costs of violence are many and long-term. Violence hurts your partner and your children. The costs are far greater than any payoffs of violence. Here are some costs:

• Conflicts remain unresolved
• People often respond to violence by trying to control you
• Lack of trust, intimacy, sharing
• Feelings of guilt, betrayal, shame, embarrassment
• Loss of pride, self-respect, confidence
• Loss of respect from others (family, friends, co-workers, etc.)
• Loss of family, friends, and related social activities
• Loss of partner, marriage, children
• Children often blame themselves when they witness violence, abuse
• Children learn to use violence
• Medical attention for physical damage
• Repair bills, legal bills
• Criminal record
• Loss of opportunity
• Poor health